Tag: counselling

Just been reading a terrific book by Willard F. Harley, Jr titles: His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage
At the end of the fifth chapter, he gives what I consider to be an excellent list for married couples to follow regarding having and holding intimate conversation with each other.
Have a read and let me know your thoughts & comments.

Conversation Tips for Husbands and Wives

As a caring husband, a man converses with his wife in a way that enables her to reveal her deepest feelings. Through conversation, he learns to meet many of her needs. But the conversation itself meets one of her most important marital needs. She simply wants him to talk to her.
1. Remember how it was when you were dating. You both still need to exhibit that same intense interest in each other and in what you have to say, especially about your feelings.
2. A woman has a profound need to engage in conversation about her concerns and interests with someone who-in her view-cares deeply about her.
3. Men, if your job keeps you away from home overnight or for days on end, think about changing jobs. If you cannot, find ways to restore intimacy of your marriage each time you return from an absence so that your wife can begin to feel comfortable with you again. (If the wife does most of the travelling, the same principle applies.)
4. Get into the habit of spending fifteen hours each week alone with your spouse giving each other undivided attention. Spend much of this time in intimate conversation.
5. Remember, most women fall in love with men who set aside time to share conversation and affection with them. They stay in love with men who continue to meet those needs.
6. Financial considerations should not prevent you from meeting your wife’s need for intimate conversation. If your job doesn’t give you enough time to be alone to talk, it is ruining your marriage. Your job should serve your marriage, not vice versa.
7. Never make demands on each other.
8. Never be disrespectful to each other. Respect your spouse’s feelings and opinions, especially when yours are different.
9. Never say anything to each other when you are angry.
10. Never remind each other of past mistakes or dwell on present mistakes.
11. Use your conversation to inform, investigate, and understand each other.
12. Develop interest in each other’s favourite topics of conversation.
13. Learn to balance your conversation. Avoid interrupting each other and try to give each other the same amount of time to talk.
14. Give each other your undivided attention during conversation.

His Needs, Her Needs Building an Affair-Proof Marriage; William F. Harley, Jr.