Conversation Tips for Husbands and Wives

Just been reading a terrific book by Willard F. Harley, Jr titles: His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage
At the end of the fifth chapter, he gives what I consider to be an excellent list for married couples to follow regarding having and holding intimate conversation with each other.
Have a read and let me know your thoughts & comments.

Conversation Tips for Husbands and Wives

As a caring husband, a man converses with his wife in a way that enables her to reveal her deepest feelings. Through conversation, he learns to meet many of her needs. But the conversation itself meets one of her most important marital needs. She simply wants him to talk to her.
1. Remember how it was when you were dating. You both still need to exhibit that same intense interest in each other and in what you have to say, especially about your feelings.
2. A woman has a profound need to engage in conversation about her concerns and interests with someone who-in her view-cares deeply about her.
3. Men, if your job keeps you away from home overnight or for days on end, think about changing jobs. If you cannot, find ways to restore intimacy of your marriage each time you return from an absence so that your wife can begin to feel comfortable with you again. (If the wife does most of the travelling, the same principle applies.)
4. Get into the habit of spending fifteen hours each week alone with your spouse giving each other undivided attention. Spend much of this time in intimate conversation.
5. Remember, most women fall in love with men who set aside time to share conversation and affection with them. They stay in love with men who continue to meet those needs.
6. Financial considerations should not prevent you from meeting your wife’s need for intimate conversation. If your job doesn’t give you enough time to be alone to talk, it is ruining your marriage. Your job should serve your marriage, not vice versa.
7. Never make demands on each other.
8. Never be disrespectful to each other. Respect your spouse’s feelings and opinions, especially when yours are different.
9. Never say anything to each other when you are angry.
10. Never remind each other of past mistakes or dwell on present mistakes.
11. Use your conversation to inform, investigate, and understand each other.
12. Develop interest in each other’s favourite topics of conversation.
13. Learn to balance your conversation. Avoid interrupting each other and try to give each other the same amount of time to talk.
14. Give each other your undivided attention during conversation.

His Needs, Her Needs Building an Affair-Proof Marriage; William F. Harley, Jr.

Did you know that healthy people also go to counselling?

Did you know that healthy people also go to counselling?
I know right, it was a surprise to me also until a few years ago. My understanding was that only people who were desparate or really messed up went to counselling.

You could say that there is some kind of stigma attached (wrongly) to people who see the need to attend counselling. I am here to tell you that the truth is something quite different.

You are actually the expert in your own life, that’s right, you and no one else. Sure, we can get a little blind-sided at times and things that are obvious to others may not register in our minds. However, that doesn’t take away from the fact that you are the CEO and ultimate decision maker in


My first experience of counselling was when I sought out a local counsellor for some advice. That advice was in fact around whether they thought I would be suited to the profession. So my idea was that I would go along to the session, tell the person what I need and they would tell me precisely what I needed to do. Oh, how misguided I was!

The very first thing they said after welcoming me to the counselling room was that they weren’t there to tell me what to do, but rather, to come along side and help me figure things out for myself. What a huge disappointment I felt deep in my spirit. After all, if they couldn’t tell me, how was I to work this out?

Enter counselling 101, active listening and an empathetic listener as my guide. By the end of the hour long session, I had managed to talk out what I was thinking, sought some guidance and had a good idea of my next right step, wow! (disclaimer: you will most likely need more than just one session for most things)

I felt energised, reaffirmed and positive that counselling (counsellor) had a part in my life and the very next year, I began my studies in counselling. But that is a subject perhaps for another post or 3 🙂

Let me finish by saying that if you are stuck or struggling or simply looking for some help with goals or direction in life, whatever the need, having a chat with a qualified counsellor is most likely going to be of significant benefit to you.

If you need a recommendation, feel free to contact me and I will be only too happy to refer you to someone suitable in your area.

Strange Practices of People Who Never Succeed

Over the years, I’ve observed a lot of people who have not achieved what they want in life. These people often have a lot in common. I thought it might benefit YOU to have a list of things NOT to do. So, following is what seems to be a mental “To Do” list for non-achievers:


1. Don’t listen to anyone who has had actual success.

2. Take advice from everybody you know who has never achieved a dream.

3. Plan, plan, plan, and plan some more. Get everything 100% right. Then check it a few more times before you actually DO something.

4. Blame others for your failure to achieve what you want.

5. Take time every day to remind yourself what a loser you are.

6. Repeat the same mistakes over and over.

7. Keep going in the same direction that has never gotten you where you want to go.

8. Don’t do anything to replace those limiting, negative thoughts you’ve always had.

9. Keep spending time around those people who assure you you’ll never be successful.

10. Insist that you are right, no matter what the outcome of any action, because being wrong is worse than failure.

Is there anything on this list that YOU ever do?

If so, how can you change it?

To Your Success,

Peter Grimes

See The Big Picture!

We all get in a position at times in our lives where it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. That’s why it’s an important daily habit to step back and look at the big picture.

Self-improvement is continual, gradual, daily change. The problem is, it takes daily focus – which most people tend to lose.

When there’s an unexpected crisis, THEN it’s easy to focus. You handle the danger on the spot. But when a bad situation develops little by little, day after day, we’re often not really aware of the problem until it’s too late.

If that situation sounds familiar to you, then it’s REALLY important that you see the big picture. Life demands your focus. If you aren’t in the daily habit of focusing, then life will send some pain your way to get your attention.


It’s a lot less stressful to make life changes on your own schedule, avoiding that crisis. When you look at the big picture and see changes you’d like to make, you can start making them gradually, which is much more pleasant than having life force those changes on you.

Sometimes, even gradual change can be difficult because of the way others see you. If that is the case, then THAT is a good place to start. Think through a plan that will put you in a position where other peoples’ preconceived notions don’t matter to you – so that all that really matters is what YOU think. Then work that plan on a daily basis. Make it a habit, and make it reality.

Self-improvement is something we all need to do, every day. Avoiding it doesn’t work. Instead, step back. Look at the big picture. Which life problem area stands out? Is it something you really want to change? OK. Start. Make a plan and work your plan every day. EVERY day!

Before you know it, you will be a different person. You’ll be especially proud of the changes you made in yourself. And this will make you a happier person.

To Your Success,

Peter Grimes

Giving Changes EVERYTHING!

Social Entrepreneurship is the new business model being adopted by world leaders as not only an incredible way to make money but a way to create social change at the same time.

More and more people are looking for a way to become their own boss, increase their income and create freedom, while doing something of purpose at the same time. In the past, doing something that was good for a community or had a specific social need, was left to charities and governments who were set up to handle those issues.

social entrepreeurs

However, business leaders have worked out a way to combine the “For Profit Business Model” with the “Not For Profit Passion for Change”.

This new way of doing business is not about companies giving a percentage of their income away, it is the company putting up their hand to say “We will take on the responsibility to fix this problem” and then them coming up with a profitable and sustainable way to handle that problem.

Sign up NOW for your Free e-course

Enhance Your Pastoral Care Skills

Tools of the Trade

When blogging, what tools of the trade do you use? Good question & here’s my little list of likes/tools, enjoy 🙂

You Mean the World to Me!!


Launch of New Social Media!

Today makes the launch of a brand new social media site called Sendcere


This is the media arm of the Send Out Cards company

Ever wanted a way to be able to connect easily with your contacts while still being active in your own business? Take a look at this product and I believe you will see something of value.

Today is your opportunity to be there at the start of something that is destined to be huge, a real changer in the social media sphere.

Take a quick look here:

Till net we chat, have a brilliant day 🙂

Testing new software

It’s late and I’ve had a big day, but still I can’t rest, lol

You know the feeling right? But you gotta push on regardless.

I reckon I have got my second wind and this could be dangerous… Oh sleep, where are you?

Anyhew, I have had some major wins today in relationship break troughs, business and with technology too.

Just had to write and record this news!