Conversation Tips for Husbands and Wives

Just been reading a terrific book by Willard F. Harley, Jr titles: His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage
At the end of the fifth chapter, he gives what I consider to be an excellent list for married couples to follow regarding having and holding intimate conversation with each other.
Have a read and let me know your thoughts & comments.

Conversation Tips for Husbands and Wives

As a caring husband, a man converses with his wife in a way that enables her to reveal her deepest feelings. Through conversation, he learns to meet many of her needs. But the conversation itself meets one of her most important marital needs. She simply wants him to talk to her.
1. Remember how it was when you were dating. You both still need to exhibit that same intense interest in each other and in what you have to say, especially about your feelings.
2. A woman has a profound need to engage in conversation about her concerns and interests with someone who-in her view-cares deeply about her.
3. Men, if your job keeps you away from home overnight or for days on end, think about changing jobs. If you cannot, find ways to restore intimacy of your marriage each time you return from an absence so that your wife can begin to feel comfortable with you again. (If the wife does most of the travelling, the same principle applies.)
4. Get into the habit of spending fifteen hours each week alone with your spouse giving each other undivided attention. Spend much of this time in intimate conversation.
5. Remember, most women fall in love with men who set aside time to share conversation and affection with them. They stay in love with men who continue to meet those needs.
6. Financial considerations should not prevent you from meeting your wife’s need for intimate conversation. If your job doesn’t give you enough time to be alone to talk, it is ruining your marriage. Your job should serve your marriage, not vice versa.
7. Never make demands on each other.
8. Never be disrespectful to each other. Respect your spouse’s feelings and opinions, especially when yours are different.
9. Never say anything to each other when you are angry.
10. Never remind each other of past mistakes or dwell on present mistakes.
11. Use your conversation to inform, investigate, and understand each other.
12. Develop interest in each other’s favourite topics of conversation.
13. Learn to balance your conversation. Avoid interrupting each other and try to give each other the same amount of time to talk.
14. Give each other your undivided attention during conversation.

His Needs, Her Needs Building an Affair-Proof Marriage; William F. Harley, Jr.

Did you know that healthy people also go to counselling?

Did you know that healthy people also go to counselling?
I know right, it was a surprise to me also until a few years ago. My understanding was that only people who were desparate or really messed up went to counselling.

You could say that there is some kind of stigma attached (wrongly) to people who see the need to attend counselling. I am here to tell you that the truth is something quite different.

You are actually the expert in your own life, that’s right, you and no one else. Sure, we can get a little blind-sided at times and things that are obvious to others may not register in our minds. However, that doesn’t take away from the fact that you are the CEO and ultimate decision maker in


My first experience of counselling was when I sought out a local counsellor for some advice. That advice was in fact around whether they thought I would be suited to the profession. So my idea was that I would go along to the session, tell the person what I need and they would tell me precisely what I needed to do. Oh, how misguided I was!

The very first thing they said after welcoming me to the counselling room was that they weren’t there to tell me what to do, but rather, to come along side and help me figure things out for myself. What a huge disappointment I felt deep in my spirit. After all, if they couldn’t tell me, how was I to work this out?

Enter counselling 101, active listening and an empathetic listener as my guide. By the end of the hour long session, I had managed to talk out what I was thinking, sought some guidance and had a good idea of my next right step, wow! (disclaimer: you will most likely need more than just one session for most things)

I felt energised, reaffirmed and positive that counselling (counsellor) had a part in my life and the very next year, I began my studies in counselling. But that is a subject perhaps for another post or 3 🙂

Let me finish by saying that if you are stuck or struggling or simply looking for some help with goals or direction in life, whatever the need, having a chat with a qualified counsellor is most likely going to be of significant benefit to you.

If you need a recommendation, feel free to contact me and I will be only too happy to refer you to someone suitable in your area.

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